Monday, September 26, 2011

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Breast Cancer Awareness Month is in October, but when you are waiting on results from tests on a lump in your own breast, awareness is everyday. No matter how many times you tell yourself "it's probably nothing," and try not to focus on the unexpected "pebble" that was thrown into my pond on Wednesday of last week, reminders are everywhere redirecting my mind back to the unknown. Today is Monday, day 6 of my "lump in my breast awareness week", and in the past 5 days there have been reminders of breast cancer everywhere:

It's in the table set up at a local event by a boutique specializing in bras and accessories for women who have had breast cancer, lumpectomies and mastectomies.

It's when I'm getting ready one morning and CMT plays Martina McBride's video "I'm gonna love you through it."

It's when a car pulls in front of me on our main roadway and the license plate is a personalized breast cancer awareness tag with the pink ribbon logo on it.

It's every time I see my husband reach to scratch his arm, because that's what he does when he is worried about something.

It's in the check out line at Winn Dixie where they have new, bright pink, eco-friendly, reusable breast cancer awareness shopping bags ready for purchase.

It's in the intricate design of a silk head wrap on a woman as I wonder if she is wearing it to cover the side effect of chemotherapy. 

It's in the child passing by me at the youth football game wearing last year's bright pink cheer leading t-shirt with "Go Fight Cancer" on the back.

It's when I am folding clothes from the laundry and putting bras away in my dresser.

It's while wearing a bathing suit, on the river, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

It's when I am putting away the contents of the pink tote given to me at the mammography office.

It's in every pink ribbon and every cancer commercial on tv.

It's everywhere. 

And then this morning my husband calls me at work when he receives the report in the mail for me..."Believed to be benign (not cancer)" are the words he reads and instant relief comes over me. These are the words I was waiting to hear. Though I would have gladly taken a "Confirmed benign," "Definitely benign" or "Positively benign" instead of "Believed to be benign," I am guessing for legal and liability reasons the report has to always leave an opening for error. As for now, I will take "believed to be benign" to settle my my mind until my next mammogram recommended in 6 months. We now have all the measurements and details of my "pebble" on file which will be closely watched from this point on. 

As I was also told I have fibrocystic breast disease in my appointment last week, which is not uncommon, this will probably not be the only "pebble" I will have to deal with. There will be plenty of mammograms in my future and with them will probably be many more days of waiting for results afterwards. I hope the waiting will be easier and the results always as favorable. 

But as my "breast cancer awareness week" comes to a close I can't help think that even as I type this:

Someone just found a lump in their breast
Someone is having a mammogram
Someone is having an ultrasound
Someone is waiting for results
Someone is being told it is cancer
Someone is telling her family she has cancer
Someone is having chemotherapy
Someone is having radiation
Someone is having a lumpectomy
Someone is having a mastectomy
Someone is looking at a surgical scar
Someone is sick from the side effects
Someone is wrapping her head with intricate designed silk
Someone is dying because a pebble was found in her breast
Someone is crying because breast cancer killed their mother, grandmother, sister, daughter, aunt, niece, friend...
Someone is grieving because they are in the ripple of a pebble that was thrown into their pond and changed their life.

For Someone, Breast Cancer Awareness is EVERYDAY... and today, my prayer is for her and all those around her that are caught in the ripple effect caused by a pebble being thrown into her pond.


  1. Nica..I am SO thankful to read this!!

  2. Great post and an even better reason to rejoice!

  3. Praise the Lord! Tests like these really put things in perspective, don't they?

  4. Wow, Nica way to take me on an emotional roller coaster there! I had no idea! And I am reading from the top down (present to past)! Praise God it seems to be ok. I know that week must have been SO incredibly worrisome for you.


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